This isn't my normal subject matter, but I'm going to go in for a second nonetheless.
I recently shared an article written by The Root entitled "Black Women Should Be Like Ayesha Curry? How Many Black Men Are Willing to Be Like Steph?"
Well, I see what they did there....
Needless to say, the responses have been.....interesting. Here's mine!
In fact, I think the article is.....interesting.
In my opinion, rather than taking what she actually said and comprehending it, many were offended and overreacted. Historically, a hit dog will holler but that's a whole blog in itself. When women got offended, some of the fellas saw that as perfect opportunity to let the "be like Ayesha Curry" posts flourish all over social media in every outlet. In media fashion, this site takes a further divisive position and basically plays it like black guys who are successful don't want to commit one black woman.
There are a couple of challenges I have with this. First off, I think its tough for EVERYONE nowadays. In a day where moral compasses are sometimes a thing of the past, social media attention is an addiction, and you can order another mate up on a multitude of apps like a pizza....i think dating has become tough for EVERYONE. In my opinion, it's hard to blame one side in particular. The fact is, we could all do better and this is not a cut and dry issue. There are a number of reasons our relationships aren't working and we all can think up a bunch. Some women want to live off men, some men want to live off women. some guys don't wanna work. some women cant do any traditional gender roles because they work now. men only want to bring their status, women only want to bring their looks, competing against each other....I'm sure we've all heard all of this before.
There are many articles written about this from the ladies side, this is my attempt at the topic from a different angle. I can only speak to my personal experiences but think some will identify with these ideas. When I had a woman I felt I could build with, I didn't have a problem committing. I was monogamous, I moved her in, I took good care of us as she took good care of me. Hell, I literally took 3 hours of time picking out a ring and told the salesperson, I'd sleep on it....and I was young!
Ladies, here's a little insight into the fellas mindset. At least this is the way it works for me. From the moment I decide a woman is worth entertaining, I'm observing and evaluating if she's someone I can build a life with. I try not to start out viewing romantic relationships as temporary, but I don't force a round peg in a square hole either. If she's not someone I can build with, no love lost, I just understand the nature of our future dealings. I'm older now, so when I consider a woman I have to put thought into it. As it gets more serious, more questions come to mind.
What's your faith like? What's your prayer life like? Are we true friends? Can you be some peace? How's your health? How loyal are you? How persistent are you? How do you Handle failure, stress, and adversity? How are you with money? What's your credit like? What are your short and long term goals? Will you be a good mother? Are you a good mother? How do you feel about gender roles? What's your living situation? What do you expect me to bring to the table? What you bringing to the table? Are we equally yoked? Is this going to be a good fit for both of us?
I say all this to say, men may or may not have a problem with commitment. If we're ready, and view you as a good candidate we will take you seriously if we're at that point in our lives. While my goal here isn't to take a divisive stance like The Root did, I think being self aware is very important. Honestly ask yourself, Is he interested in being commited? Did he actually express it to you? Are you giving someone something worth committing to? What do you bring to the table besides your looks that would make you the choice over other candidates? Are you a sound investment? I'm sure you have some as well. If we're honest with ourselves I think we'll agree these are questions worth some looking into. To conclude, I'll leave you with another. What would happen if we threw out all the articles, all the social media influence, all the societal pressure, all the bad dating advice we get from unsuccessful friends and focused on truly connecting and valuing each other?